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Kaylee: So, so you had to be naked?
Simon: Naked. Yes. And, uh, on top of the statue of Hippocrates. Can you just picture me?
Kaylee: What, naked? Oh, well, hmm. Let's see. I'm gonna have to conjure up a...Yeah, that's, that's gonna be difficult.
Simon: There were no Feds. Until I started singing.
Simon: This...this is a morality tale about the evils of sake.
Jayne: But, I mean, you still got the urge. They don't...cut it off, or nothin'?
Book: Mm, no, I'm more or less intact. I just...direct my energy elsewhere.
Jayne: You mean like masturbating?
Book: I hope you're not thinking of taking orders yourself.
Jayne: It ain't impossible! Saint Jayne, it's got a ring to it.
Book: I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed.
Jayne: I once hit a guy in the neck from 500 yards with a bent scope. Don't that count upstairs?
Book: Oh, it'll be taken into consideration.
Wash: Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next?
Zoe: Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up.
Wash: I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it.
Jayne: Anyhow...let's move this conversation in a "Not Jayne's Fault" direction?
Jayne: Anybody remember her comin' at me with a butcher's knife?
Wash: Wacky fun.
Jayne: You wanna go, little man?
Wash: Only if it's someplace with candlelight.
Zoe: Sir, I know she's unpredictable, but I don't think she'd harm anyone.
Jayne: Butcher's knife!
Zoe: Anyone we can't spare.
Wash: Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the beast.
Jayne: She's in Congress?
Wash: How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious.
Wash: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
Zoe: We live in a space ship, dear.
Jayne: Well...I don't like the idea of someone hearin' what I'm thinkin'.
Inara: No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking.
Simon: You're out of your mind.
Early: That's between me and my mind.
Simon: (sing-song) Come on out, River. The nice man wants to kidnap you.
Early: Where'd she go?
Simon: I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a space ship.
Early: I only hurt people because they keep getting in the way of me finding you. Tell her.
Simon: What am I? Your advocate?
Early: You are starting now.
Simon: He's really very...gentle...and fuzzy. We're becoming fast friends.
Early: You folks are all insane.
Simon: Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood.
Mal: Oh...how come there's a guy on board, and how come you're all of a sudden the ship?
River: I know you have questions.
Mal: That would be why I just asked them.
Mal: Go on. Get in there. Give your brother a thrashing for messing up your plan.
River: He takes so much looking after.
Wash: Can I mop your brow? I am at the ready with the fearsome brow-mop.
Simon: You got the bullet. Okaaay. I'm just gonna pass out for a minute, but you're doing great.