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Bendis: We're gonna die.
Mal: We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw.
Wash (as Stegosaurus): We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... "This Land."
Wash (as T-Rex): I think we should call it "your grave!"
Wash (as Stegosaurus): Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Wash (as T-Rex): Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!
Wash (as Stegosaurus): Oh, no, God! Oh, dear God in heaven!
Jayne (about Kaylee): Captain, can you stop her from bein' cheerful, please?
Mal: I don't believe there is a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.
Kaylee: I love my captain.
Zoe: Oh, wouldn't mind a real bath...
Wash: Yeah, and a meal that included some sort of food.
Zoe: Ooh.
Wash: Just a couple of days lying around, you with the bathing. Me with the watching you bathe.
Kaylee: I'd sure love to find a brand new compression coil for the steamer.
Mal: And I'd like to be king of all Londinum and wear a shiny hat.
Mal: Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that.
Zoe: Oh yeah, this is gonna go great.
Mal: If anyone gets nosy, just, you know... shoot 'em.
Zoe: Shoot 'em?
Mal: Politely.
Inara: So. Would you like to lecture me the wickedness of my ways?
Book: I brought you some supper, but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire... one has lepers.
Zoe: You've never heard of Reavers?
Simon: Well... campfire stories... Men gone savage on the edge of space, killing, and...
Zoe: They're not stories.
Simon: What happens if they board us?
Zoe: If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing and if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.
Kaylee: You're nice, too.
Mal: No, I'm not. I'm a mean old man.
Zoe: Sir? I'd like you to take the helm, please. (Grabbing Wash) I need this man to tear all my clothes off.
Book: I've been out of the abbey two days, I've beaten a lawman senseless, I've fallen in with criminals. I watched the captain shoot the man I swore to protect. And I'm not even sure if I think he was wrong.
Inara: Shepherd...
Book: I believe I just... I think I'm on the wrong ship.
Inara: Maybe. Or maybe you're exactly where you ought to be.
River: I didn't think you'd come for me.
Simon: Well, you're a dummy.
Mal: How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?
Jayne: Money wasn't good enough.
Mal: What happens when it is?
Jayne: Well... that'll be an interesting day.
Mal: Imagine it will.
Simon: I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can... How do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?
Mal: You don't know me, son. So let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.
Simon: Are you always this sentimental?
Mal: Had a good day.
Simon: You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages... half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives.
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.