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Book: Did you ever read the works of Shan Yu?
Simon: Shan Yu, the psychotic dictator?
Book: Yep. Fancied himself quite the warrior-poet. Wrote volumes on war, torture...the limits of human endurance.
Simon: That's nice.
Book: He said... "Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals, speak on every subject. Then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge, and on that day, you will finally meet the man."
Simon: What if you don't live near a volcano?
Book: I expect he was being poetical.
Book: Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
Simon: No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.
Mal: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.
Mal: Don't worry, I'm not gonna start any sword fights. I'm over that phase.
Zoe: Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
Wash: You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes.
Wash: Then tell me. I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it.
Simon: You are my beautiful sister.
River: I threw up on your bed.
Simon: Yep. Definitely my sister.
Jayne: I'll be in my bunk.
Mal: Okay, um, I'm lost. Uh, I'm angry, and I'm armed, so if you two have something that you need to work out...
Wash: Hey, I've been in a firefight before! ... Well, I was in a fire. ... Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity. I can handle myself.
Book: This is precision work. Sharpshooters. From the look of these wounds, I'd say a 54-R sniper rifle, laser sights.
Jayne: You do a lot of shooting at the abbey there, Shepherd?
Book: Rabbits.
Jayne: For stew, sure.
Wash: Right. Less talking...She's terse. I can be terse...Once in flight school, I was laconic.
Wash: I mean, I'm the one she swore to love, honor and obey.
Mal: Listen...She swore to obey?
Wash: Well, no, not...But that's just my point! You she obeys! She obeys you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!
Wash: This whole Captain thing isn't Zoe's trouble. It's the-guy-she-never-slept-with thing. Hell, Mal, I wish you had slept with her. Then at least she'd be over it.
Mal: Oh, you want me to sleep with her? Would that make you feel better?
Wash: It might.
Mal: Oh, I'd imagine it would do wonders for her, too.
Wash: Screw you!
Mal: Get in line.
Zoe: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.
Jayne: Smellin' a lot of "if" comin' off this plan.
Zoe: Jayne. This is something the Captain has to do for himself.
Mal: No! No, it's not!
Zoe: Oh.
Inara: I just wish you'd killed that old bastard.
Mal: I got regrets on that score my own self.
Mal: So. I hear you all took up arms in that little piece of action back there. How you faring with that, doctor?
Simon: I don't know. I, uh... I never-never shot anyone before.
Book: I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet.
Mal: I know it's a difficult mission... but you and I... have to get it on.
Zoe: I understand. We have no choice. Take me, sir. Take me hard.
Jayne: Now somethin' about that is just downright unsettling.